How to Have More Love in Your Life - Step One

How to Have More Love in Your Life - Step One

Do you ever wish you had more love in your life?

Does it ever feel like finding love is practically impossible nowadays?

Everyone agrees that love is important. It boosts health and happiness, it gives life more meaning and purpose, it connects and unites people like nothing else can. Yet, so many people struggle to find love (and keep love).

Well, it doesn’t have to be that way. There are a few things you can do to have more love in your life. All it takes is a little knowledge and effort.

We’re starting a three-part series here at LoveRoots on How to Have More Love in Your Life. In this series, we’ll discuss three simple steps you can take to dramatically increase the love in your life, so without further ado let’s begin…

The First Step to More Love in Your Life

Humans are relational creatures. We’re wired to be in relationships and we need to understand that if we’re going to be in relationships, there are going to be times when we are going to get hurt.

How you respond in those moments is critical to your long-term health and happiness. When you get hurt in a relationship, you must be determined to navigate your way through it so that when you come out of it your heart is good, it’s not hardened.

Therefore, to have more love in your life, the first thing you need to understand is the importance of forgiveness, because not forgiving blocks your ability to love. Unforgiveness blocks your ability to love, while forgiveness allows you to continue loving.

The Gift You Give Yourself

Tony Robbins once said, “Forgiveness is the gift you give yourself, not a gift you give someone else.” And he’s right. Forgiveness is how you heal from hurtful events. It’s how you let go and let God, or let go and move on.

To forgive someone means that you acknowledge you will never get from them what they owe you, and that is what we do not like about forgiveness. We grieve for what ought to be but never will be. The past will never be different, but the future can be.

When you decide to forgive someone, you release them from a debt they owe you. You write off that bad debt. You no longer condemn them. You take the higher road and follow the path of grace and freedom in your life.

quote Tony Robbins forgiveness

Making the decision to forgive someone does not mean you will never think of the event again or that you will never feel the pain that goes with the memory. It just means you are making a conscious decision to not live an angry, bitter, resentful life.

You see, unless you choose to forgive someone, you will remain in a destructive relationship with them. You will keep visiting a bad account when you should be letting it go, and getting what you need from God and people who can help you. That’s a better life.

The Right Things to Say

It’s important you say the right things when you are hurting. It’s also important you remember feelings aren’t permanent. Whatever you may be feeling today, those feelings will change over time. They will get easier to deal with.

If you’re hurting right now, it’s important you say the right things to yourself. Replace phrases like “This is so unfair,” with “This feels so unfair.” Replace “He robbed me of my future,” with “I feel so sad right now.” Replace “Is it always going to be like this?” with “This too shall pass.” Replace “This is terrible,” with “This will end well.”

These statements are true and also leave you room to invite in new feelings as your perspective shifts. It’s important you try to stay positive, and know that everything you need to get through the challenges you’re facing is already within you.

How to Practice Forgiveness

Your soul begs for peace in everything, and it aches when it doesn’t have peace. So let’s run through some examples of how you can find peace through the practice of forgiveness, starting with family and self.

With Family — We all have an idealistic image of what our family should look like but it is imaginary and unrealistic. No matter how much we may wish otherwise, we must accept that no family is perfect. Every family has joy and pain woven through its story.

Your family story may have caused you pain but your health and happiness need you to let go of the pain in your past. Release whatever pain you have experienced in your imperfect family story. Let it go and step into a better future.

With Self — Self-forgiveness is important too. You must forgive yourself for the wrongdoings you have caused. Everyone has done things they are not proud of. That is part of life. How you learn from your mistakes and move on is what’s important though.

Be Very Aware of Guilt

If you do not forgive yourself, you will live with guilt, and if you’re not careful, guilt can create an ugly cycle that goes on and on for decades. People that live with guilt beat themselves up in their mind, then project their guilt onto someone else. Hurting people hurt others.

Some people live their whole lives stuck in this destructive cycle and they never experience true freedom. They live in a dark prison of the mind and give off dark energy. Don’t let that happen to you.

You are not perfect, so take it easy on yourself when you make mistakes. Simply live and learn, and learn to forgive yourself and be free from your past.

How to Ask For Forgiveness

In those times when you make mistakes, asking forgiveness is much easier than you may think.

With God — You must know that when you ask forgiveness from above, it is given. There is nothing else you need to “do” to have forgiveness. You are exempt from the wrongdoing but you may still feel sorrow or shame. That is normal. Do not worry. It shall pass.

With Others — If you have offended someone, apologize and ask for forgiveness as soon as possible. The longer you wait, the longer a barrier remains between you and the person you offended. Every barrier you leave up in life leads you away from the connections your heart seeks and deeper into isolation. That’s the wrong way to go.

Asking for forgiveness shows maturity and demonstrates you are willing to change and ready to move on. Be smart though, and don’t give another the “power” over you here. Regardless of their choice to forgive you or not, your responsibility is to be willing to change, to make amends if possible, and ultimately to move on.

When you ask for forgiveness, keep it simple — a simple one-sentence “I’m sorry for…” is sufficient. Do not relive the event with excess words. Release it in your heart and move on.

forgiveness keep it simple

And when you ask forgiveness, remember it does not include the word but. It’s not: “I’m sorry but if you hadn’t…” That approach lacks humility and sincerity and it ducks responsibility. It is worse than not asking forgiveness at all. The word but should never be in a sentence that asks for forgiveness.

Forgiveness and Trust

When others hurt us, we always need to forgive, but we need to know that we won’t always achieve reconciliation. Forgiveness makes restoration possible but it’s not a guarantee. It takes two people to achieve reconciliation. You may do your part, but the other party needs to do their part for reconciliation to happen.

Understand that forgiveness is different than trust. Forgiveness is about the past; trust is about the present and future. Forgiveness is immediate; trust may take time. 

You may forgive an offense but reestablishing trust is the offender’s job. They may need to prove they have changed and can be trusted again. This process cannot be rushed, so don’t force it.

As you learn to forgive, you may feel the need to set boundaries for yourself. If you need time after an offense to trust again, be honest and share that. Emotional honesty is part of your spiritual growth.

Forgive always, but guard your heart until you see sustained change.

It May Take Time

If it is hard for you to forgive, say so. Be honest. We are all learners here and learning how to love and forgive is not easy. It takes time. To start, just be aware of when your heart tenses and tightens and try to shift your thoughts away from judgment and toward acceptance.

The longer you withhold forgiveness, the more you will suffer. It can destroy your health and your ability to give or receive love. Withholding forgiveness builds walls of sourness. Granting forgiveness builds bridges of sweetness. Build bridges.

Every time you forgive love is awakened in you more deeply and your capacity to extend love is increased. Every time you forgive you release the emotion attached to an event and you heal your heart. Choose that path, that is where your healing miracles will happen.

Final Thoughts

Let’s recap what we’ve discussed. 

1. Life is about relationships, and we will get hurt, but we can always choose to forgive. 

2. Forgiveness is the gift you give yourself. It’s how you let go and move on to a better life. 

3. Saying the right things is very important to your healing process.

4. Forgiving your family and yourself is a good place to start.

5. Asking for forgiveness is not that hard to do, and the sooner you do it the better.

6. Forgiveness and trust are two different things.

7. It may take time to forgive, but choosing that path is where your miracles are found.

So let me ask you: Who has hurt you and who do you need to forgive?

I encourage you to decide to forgive them now. Let it go. It is only through forgiveness that you can find peace and you can fully experience the dance of love your soul seeks with yourself and others.

(Wanna read Step 2? Click here. Step 3 is next week, stay tuned!)

Written by Dane Patrick Duross, Founder of LoveRoots

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