How to Have More Love in Your Life - Step Three

How to Have More Love in Your Life - Step Three

We’re in a three-part series here at LoveRoots on How to Have More Love in Your Life. In this series, we’re discussing three simple steps you can take to dramatically increase the love in your life.

Hopefully, you’ve already read the first two steps you need to take to have more love in your life. If not, you can do so here: How to Have More Love in Your Life - Step One; and here: How to Have More Love in Your Life - Step Two.

Now on to step three…

The Third (and Final) Step to More Love in Your Life

There are a few things every person on earth wants. We all want to feel significant. We all want to experience love. We all want to grow and contribute. Every person on earth seeks these positive feelings.

Do you know what one action makes all these positive feelings come alive?

It’s not complicated or mysterious; it’s quite simple and straightforward: giving. Giving makes you feel significant and loved. It makes you feel like you’re growing and contributing. Giving has the power to unlock all these good emotions and make you feel alive and well.

The secret to truly living is in giving. If you want a happy and love-filled life, you must incorporate some form of giving into it. Therefore, the third and final thing we will cover in this series on love is the importance of giving.

To begin, let’s briefly cover the different forms of love and how they are achieved.

The Different Forms of Love

In Ancient Greece, there were three words for love: eros, phileo and agape. (Although Ancient Greece was a long time ago, these three classifications remain very applicable today.)

Eros describes a love that desires (especially sexually). It is the love that takes. From the root word eros we get the words erotic and erogenous zones (you can see its sexual denotation).

Phileo describes an intimate friendship. It is the love that gives and takes. From the root word phileo we get many words: philosopher (lover of wisdom), philanthropist (lover of people), bibliophile (lover of books), audiophile (lover of sounds), and so on.

Agape describes a selfless love and is the highest form of love. It is the love that gives, and it is the only one that attracts the other two forms of love.

The three loves eros phileo agape

The Highest Form of Love

The word agape (pronounced ah-GAH-pee) is not spoken of frequently but you are probably familiar with it, as the phrases “Love your neighbor” and “Love one another” were both originally written in Greek with the word agape for the word love.

This highest form of love is not a touchy, feely, sentimental type of love. It is not the feeling of love, it is the act of love. It is a choice, an act of the will.

It seeks the best for others and does not discriminate. It does not withhold love against a race, gender, or species. It is the selfless and sacrificial acts done in the service of others, for the greater good. It is agape love we all seek and our world needs more of.

How You Benefit From This

Your present-day and future happiness both depend on you developing this love.

No matter what you’re going through, giving can make you feel better. You see, when you give to another - whether you give your time or talents, or from your resources - you enrich another’s life. You brighten their day and it brightens your's too.

Quote Lincoln to ease another's heartache

Your present happiness increases when you give love, and your future happiness does too.

In the end, when you look back on your life, you will search for meaning. You will wonder how much your life mattered. You will reminisce, and the moments that stick out will be the times you gave your attention and affection to another. Those moments give life meaning because they stretch your heart. And in the end, the more of them you can recall the happier you will be.

Do not be misled: the “good life” is not found in things or a life of self-indulgence. The “good life” is found in community and connection. As you choose to live your life, keep this in mind.

Developing the Love Around You

To develop more love around you, you should give in your community. Help a neighbor, an orphan, the sick, the homeless. If there’s a cause you care about, give something to that. Make a difference in your community.

If you are not sure where to begin, ask a local place of worship. They always have requests and always need help. People that look for help in places of worship often want to better their lives. Help them if you can.

Help however you can, but temper your expectations. Try to help the process or the outcome but don’t criticize exactly how your giving is used. Simply be content that you can give to something bigger than yourself, and enjoy that. Just give, willingly and cheerfully, and feel your soul smile.

Quote Maya Angelou give cheerfully blessed

Developing the Love Inside You

To develop more love in you, make a decision to love one person unconditionally. The greatest power in the universe is unconditional love, and you can bring it into your life whenever your want. Focusing on one person is the easiest way to learn this.

Choose one person and learn to love them completely. Try to do for them all the little things love requires. Be the friend and encourager that person needs. Be supportive of their growth, and patient with their progress. Be respectful of their unique journey.

Be there for them. Instead of leaving, be the one who says: “I’ll stay.” Instead of staying away, be the one who says: “I’ll be there.” Instead of being a bystander, be the one who says: “I’ll help you.”

Help someone discover their strengths and value. Serve their growth, their health, their happiness. Help them shine, and as you help them shine you’ll catch their glow and shine too. You’ll reflect love’s most radiant light.

As you help your one person along their journey, you’ll learn more about love and more about yourself. You’ll feel parts of your heart soften that life had hardened. You’ll be blessed for being a blessing, and you’ll be developing a powerful love inside you.

Be Cool (and Quiet!)

Be cool about loving your one person too. Seriously, don’t be a weirdo. Don’t go telling them what you’re trying to do. Don’t publicize it. Just go about your business of learning the highest form of love: check in occasionally, offer help occasionally, encourage occasionally, but don’t smother. Don’t force it.

Understand you will have differences. Everyone sees the world in their own special way, but the goal remains the same: unity. Seeking to understand another’s point of view helps foster unity and connection.

As you seek to understand another person, not only do you understand them more but you will understand yourself more. Discovering more about others helps you discover more about yourself. It helps you gain insight and connect to others, both of which your soul desires.

As you learn to love one person unconditionally, at times it may feel impossible and impractical. Over time you will grow and learn how to deal with the thoughts and feelings that challenge you. Be patient with yourself there.

Perfectly loving imperfect people helps you grow emotionally and spiritually. It shows character and a willingness to contribute to the greater good, and that is how you measure a life - by its character and contribution.

You measure a life by its character and contribution.

The Two Things That Destroy Love

To reach this level of emotional and spiritual maturity, you must be aware of two things that can destroy love: greed and lust.

Greed ruins the moral values that seek common good. Greed stimulates self-centeredness. It focuses on things over people. It cuts the cords of compassion, connectedness and community. Greed affronts love, then destroys it.

Quote Buffett if you're in the luckiest one percent

Lust can also ruin love because it only wants to take. Lust does not care to give, and so it diminishes love. If you wish to develop more love in your life, you must develop some self-control here. Learn to give before you take.

Final Thoughts

Anyone can develop more love in their life because ultimately love is a choice. You can choose to be a more loving person at any moment, and the more often you make that choice the more beautiful of a person you will become and the more likely you are to attract the phileo and eros loves.

Your present and future happiness depends on you making the decision to give love - in your community and to your one person. So ask yourself: What can I give to my community? And who is my one person?

In closing, to summarize the three steps we’ve covered in this series How to Have More Love in Your Life: (1) Practice forgiveness, (2) cultivate gratitude, and (3) give to your community and your one person. As you do these three things, you will see and feel more love come into your life. I encourage you to enjoy each step in that beautiful, life-changing process.

Remember, the opportunity to choose love is always present in you. The soul of the human family needs us to come together and help each other; we must not expect governments or businesses to do this work for us. It is up to us - the human family - to do it. Our world needs love now more than ever. Be the change. Do your part. Have the life you imagine!

Wishing you much love and success in your journey.

Written by Dane Patrick Duross, Founder of LoveRoots

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